What are the 4 T’s? Living life to the fullest!

4 T’s is part of life’s puzzle

Temperament, Time, Trust, Talent . . . Why are they important in our life?   Who do they apply to?  What do I need them for?  When will I use them?  How will they help me find balance? Where do I begin?  All good questions and each will be addressed here, in further posts and at the retreat.

You may be thinking – why go on a retreat to find this out?  I can do it on my own.  Can You? The dictionary defines a retreat as the “process of withdrawing especially from what is difficult …”  In our modern culture we are running here and there and our minds are full of clatter and clutter.  We need to step away, withdraw, retreat from the anxieties of daily life. Focus on ourselves and where we are heading.

The 4 T’s Retreat will allow you to do that.  Withdraw from the difficulties that may be nagging you.  Step into a classroom of silence to meditate, learn, and share with others. Retreat to the St. Francis Retreat Centre in Caledon to renew and refresh yourself.  Pray. Listen.  Learn.  Share.

Carefree Timelessness

This retreat is going to be LIFE CHANGING!  It’s going to be BOLD, AUTHENTIC and will have you SOUL SEARCHING for your PASSION and PURPOSE in life once you understand more fully who you are.  Why is trust a must?  Why meditation and carefree timelessness are important.  How our talents are the keys to understanding what God created us to be.

The first T – temperament.  You may have heard of it.  Where does it come from and just how far back in time does it go? Back to the time of Hippocrates.  He named the temperaments after body fluids: Phlegm, Black Bile, Yellow Bile, and Blood. His theory, when a person has an excess of one of these body fluids, it governed their temperament.  In modern times, our temperament is formed in the mother’s womb.  Why?  Ninety percent of who we are is formed in the womb.  There have been many theorists between these two points and each approach temperament in the same, yet different, way.  They all, however, agree temperament is part of who we are and what our core needs are.

Understanding our temperament is core to understanding others.  This is why we may not see eye to eye with others in some areas of our lives.  They’re NOT out to get us! ! ! They just think, act and do differently than us.

 

 

 

 

How does our temperament overlay with Matthew Kelly’s book, “The Seven Levels of Intimacy”?

Intrigued?  Stay tuned for further overlays.

Also coming up:  TIME.  You are given $1,440 every day.  How do you spend it?

Taking it For Granted

Since June 1 I’ve experienced seven deaths.  Parent’s of some of my friends, friends, relatives, someone  I cared for.  I wondered what it all meant.  We all wonder when this happens “What does this mean?”  I stressed myself out about this and berated myself.  Then today, I decided to write down the details of each death and sit quietly and reflect on them.  By the way, did I mention one cat was put to sleep and two fridges went into severe melt down mode.

What I came up with, in each instance, I had that gut feeling to get in touch with everyone and I ignored that gut feeling.  The one that said “call Marguerite’, ‘get to the hospital before 3 PM’, ‘go visit Malcolm’. Yes, I ignored them and then the news came.  Usually in the form of a phone call.  Now I shake my head and realize I can’t take those gut feelings for granted.   I missed seeing some very special people for one more laugh, one more song, one more prayer, one more selfie and one more time.

As I sat and reflected on this, I recalled a speech I recently heard entitle “Taking it for Granted”. We do take things for granted. I took my gut feelings for granted. I began to think deeper, what else do I take for granted?  Family. Phone calls. Friendships.  Especially friendships.  We want friendships to be lasting and  grow. Sometimes things just slip through the cracks.  Like those gut feelings of mine.

Recently (I’m such an Authentic Blue) I asked someone to be my friend.  They said yes.  I repeated myself.  I just want to be friends.  No strings attached.  Pure friendship.  OK.  I was so excited.  The next day I wrote them a thank you note and asked if they wanted to go for coffee in a couple of days.  No answer.  Hmmmm . . . I wrote another email and asked them for their opinion about a speech I was writing (I thought they said they would help me.).  Again no answer.  Now the Authentic Blue’s stress kicks in – guilt.  Was I over bearing?  Did I insult them? Did they think I wanted more than friendship?  Did something happen to them?  Are they OK?  Why do I get so excited when someone says yes to a friendship?  And then feel disappointed when it doesn’t happen the way I want it to happen?

The word friend and friendship has ‘end’ in it and that’s what I want and that’s what many of us want.  Friend to the ‘end’.   Although, sometimes, when we reach a level that begins to grow and deepen we can get scared and run away.  Why?  Because that person will say, ‘Gee I really like you.’  And you may be thinking,  ‘You like the person who you think I am. If you really knew me . . .you wouldn’t like me.”  This deep abiding friendship is called Philia friendship a close friendship, brotherly friendship.  It’s what many of us want, yet seem to run from.  Why?  Ask yourself Why and ponder it in your heart.

I so admire couples who stick it out even after so many years.  Why?  I keep asking myself, Why?  Opposites attract because of opposing strengths and weaknesses.  And what happens – they can either come to blows or use this to complement each other. Understanding yourself first and then understanding your opposites and the others in your life can truly grow relationships.  And we all want great relationships.

Authentic Blues and Inquiring Greens usually attract.  Organized Golds and Resourceful Oranges usually attract.  Let’s keep the attraction going.  Let’s discover how we can work with each other.  Let’s discover our temperament.

Our temperament was formed in the womb.  90% of who we are was formed in the womb.  Yes, we use all 4 of the temperaments, as this allows us to become well-rounded, even tempered people.  Although our core self will always be who we were created to be.

This is so exciting. Now I feel so un-stressed about the recent deaths of everyone.  You see I took the time to internalize and read and reflect.  I was able to draw good out of what had befallen me.

When we take the time  . . .  we understand and let it go and move forward with confidence and understanding.

A special thank you to Rene who inspired me for the title of this post.

It’s time . . . . Things remembered to be constantly reminded of . .

Everyday words or acronyms can help us through life . . .  You know those everyday words or acronyms:

PITA – When referring to a Pain in the Armpit  – – –  You know who those people are.  They’ve done things this way for how many years? They find it difficult to change.  It’s their way or the highway  . .  . do you think it might be part of their temperament?   Their make-up?  Their chemistry?

Q-Tip –  we have to remind ourself “Quit Taking It Personally”.   We sometimes think people are out to get us . .  not so, not so.  It’s usually about them and they may be taking it out on us.  How do you deal with that?  That’s a good question .  . stop and ponder it for a while.  Just how do you deal with people when it’s all about them and they may not even be aware they’re doing this to you.  First thing is to realize it may be about them.  Then you can move forward.

We talk about F.E.A.R. Zig Ziglar says – it’s False Evidence Appearing Real . . . Can we change it to Feeling Energized and Ready!   This will allow you to turn the switch and move forward . . .

What about those people in our life, who seems lost in thought . . .  deep in thought.  They may not even acknowledge you  . . .  Their mind is on their work on that project.  So perhaps they may say something and you might take it personally or you think they don’t have feelings because it’s about work and getting the job done and knowing every aspect of the job.    Mind you  . .  they do like to play the devil’s advocate.   How do you deal with them?

How can we forget those people who enjoy life . . . although they are hard working with ten fingers in the pot at the same time. . . constantly going back and forth.  You know the ones, they seem to have A.D.H.D.  (Any Day [is a] Happy Day).   They seem to go with the flow, roll with the punches ..  handle crises with ease . . .     It can be irritating to people who like procedures and order.

Dealing with people can be a challenge . .  remembering where they come from helps. Understanding where you come from is job ONE!   Once you understand who you are, you can definitely understand who they are.

When relationships are important in all aspects of your life . . . understanding that people don’t stay awake all night long trying to get even with you  . . .  certainly lets you sleep well!

Life . . . . Life is about . . . .

Life is about love, life is about relationships and you need to live as though you were dying. Exactly how do you take these 3 compact statements and make them alive whether at work with managers or coworkers, in school with teachers and classmates, or in a personal relationship with a significant other, your children, and your friends.

Life. . . life is about love. First you must love yourself deeply and truly. Do you love yourself deeply and truly? What does it mean to love yourself deeply and truly? It means to be vigilant about knowing who you are in any given situation. It is your developed self – the person you continually strive to be – the person who is not afraid to reach out for help and give the best of what you have to everyone in life. When you grow in love of self, you grow in strength – for you know strength shows courage in the midst of fear. You know you have to keep your body and your soul in shape. You know that life’s mistakes are blessings in disguise and you need to capitalize on them. You know you need a faith lift when you fall and wear grace in the face of adversity and understand in the journey of faith, hope and love, you will be given strength in your weaknesses.

Life . . . life is about relationships. Look in the mirror and say, Jane believes in me. She supports me in my hopes and dreams and all the positive things I do in life and lets me know when she doesn’t support me. You see, Jane has integrity, morals and values. She understands herself and is grounded. Once she understands your temperament – she

Life is about love, acceptance and relationships. We choose to love!

knows how to adapt to your life styles and way of life. Yes, she accepts people and treats them according to their core need (their temperament) while not losing sight of who she is. Is it a struggle for her? Yes it is – but she believes what she believes and continually instills integrity, values and morals into the people she meets and upon herself. . she was 21, 30, 38, 42, and 55 once . . . yes, she was there. How can she condemn someone who is doing what she did? She embraces the person and tells a story, a story about a time she messed up, how she made the wrong choices. Does it make me change? Perhaps not, but it plants seeds of wisdom in me. My hat is off to Jane.

How do you live like you were dying? How do you work your job and be passionate in every other aspect of your life? You know the work/life balance you hear about? What if someone you admire or love (whether at work or in your life) dies and you never had the chance to tell them or you never had the courage to tell them – I love you, I admire you. I’ve heard it so many times – over and over again – I needed to have tried harder – I should have tried harder. Do you really try harder with the people you work with, you live with, you interact with on many different levels in your life or do you just say you do? Relationships take hard work. Live those relationships like you were dying.

To live like you were dying exactly what does that mean? And are you doing this? Are you passionate about your work, your career? If you are, that’s great! Are you also passionate about your relationships? About your health, your physical well-being, your friendships, emotions about every aspect of your life?
Finally . . . the physical aspect of whom you are. Your body is a sacred temple and when you destroy it or let others destroy it, it destroys your self-worth. Therefore, be of good cheer and no matter who says what or who does what against you, remember . . . they are missing an opportunity to be friends with a positive, energetic, wonder . . . YOU. Don’t stoop to their level of weakness. Rise above them and excel. Make them admire you and respect you for what you are doing.

Life is about love, life is about relationships and you need to live your life as if you were dying.  

What is love – self-revelation – acceptance – choice. We choose to love.

I Want to be an Architect

   Three Blind Mice . . . Three Jolly Fishermen . . . The Trinity. . . Three Billy Goats Gruff . . . Three tunnels from “The Great Escape” Tom, Dick, and Harry and 3 sides to every story.       

 

This is the story of 3 men born around the same time period (early 1950’s) who had a desire to be an architect when they were in their teens. This is the story of their journeys and where they are today.

This is also a story about following your dreams no matter what happens in life. It’s not only about inspiration but perspiration and taking risks. What are you willing to risk, what are you willing to give up – and most of all – are you really passionate about what you want to do.
As the men shall remain anonymous, I will use the names of the three tunnels from the movie “The Great Escape” – Tom, Dick and Harry.

Tom’s story. He grew up in Scarborough, Ontario in an average family – Mom, Dad, two sisters and a dog. He had average grades in high school and his mom and dad loved and supported him as best they could in the 60’s. In high school he began his dream of becoming an architect. His doodles were of buildings to the sky, ranch houses and museums and futuristic dwellings. Then something happened – life got in the way and he didn’t pursue his dream of becoming an architect. The question I’m asking you – the reader is . . . why didn’t he pursue his dream? Financial considerations, little support or encouragement or was being the life of the party more enticing and exciting.

Life gets in the way for many of us. We just need to decide if we will let life get in the way or not. We need to look around at our support system. Did Tom’s support system propel him forward? Encourage him? Did they try and he turned a deaf ear because life was in the fast lane. We’ll never know. Tom declined comment.

Yes, life got in the way for Tom. There were parties, and women and drugs. Being a dealer was great. Money, glamour, respect and a fun filled party life. Yes, one party after another. After a few close calls, life began to settle down. Tom travelled for a while and then found a good steady job at the airport and the passes afforded him to continue to travel and enjoy life. He still doodled buildings once in a while.

In 1985 Tom began a fence and deck company. He’s beginning to follow his dream of becoming an architect. He’s designed a few gazeboes and overhead trellises and yes – decks: wrap around, two- story, multi-level to name a few. He’s going for it, then life gets in the way again. The extra money allows him to live a better life. To travel and have parties. Tom is now retired and works part time and plays golf. Will he ever pursue his dream? Is there someone who will encourage him to pursue his dream. Is it too late? No. . . only if you think so. Only if you’re not willing to take a risk.

Dick is a great guy. Everyone loves him. He’s happy go lucky and does great things for everyone in his life. He grew up and attended high school in Mississauga, Ontario. His parents were good parents and they did the best they could. Money was tight and his dream of being an architect in high school slipped through his fingers. He attended university for one year studying Human Relations and Psychology. He attended other schools and took other courses, but his heart was usually on being an architect. He travelled extensively throughout BC making many friends and working in various professions. At one point his dream of becoming an architect was being brought out. He had to renovate a home. Isn’t that architectural? Gutted it from the inside out. He has and still does love all the areas of his life that he lived. Somehow he was unable to continue on towards his dream of being an architect. Was it a lack of motivation, lack or encouragement, lack of funds, we’ll never know unless Dick open his heart to us.

Dick is an architect in another way. When the web was growing by leaps and bound and web sites were being built and added onto the Internet, Dick jumped in with both feet and learned and absorbed and studied as much as he could the ins and outs of building a website. He has created and built hundreds of websites for acquaintances, friends, small businesses and organizations over the last 20 years. Is Dick an architect? Yes he is an architect of web sites. His knowledge and competency and desire to learn the computer language has allowed him to build a vast empire of websites for people all over the world. Is Dick a success? You judge. He definitely loves what he does. He can spend hours in front of the computer tapping and zapping and moving and arranging and being intense and enthusiastic in what he is designing. Dick is there to help anyone and at anytime, whether for a large corporation or a small one-man operation or a friend. Has he full filled his dream of becoming an architect?

From a place of war to a place of peace – Harry is truly a representative of this tunnel.

Lastly there is Harry. Harry grew up in a warm and loving home. He had parents that supported him and encouraged him and then life got in the way for Harry. The life that got in the way was war. Ugly war. Horrible war. In 1968 his parents, and brother and he did not return from their vacation, instead they travelled. Travelled with what they had with them. First to Austria, then Switzerland and finally arrived in Toronto in mid-September – the first Czech refugee family of that conflict. A place of freedom. A place where you did not have to look over your shoulders.

Harry decided when he was around 15 years old that he wanted to be an architect. He applied himself in high school, got a part time job to help pay for other costs other than tuition. Bought a second hand car and fixed it himself. His parents supported and encouraged him in his dream and saved what they could to cover the costs of tuition. He attended college and a polytechnic school. He challenged himself, worked hard and played hard though never losing sight of what he wanted in life . . . to be an architect. He continued to learn. At 40, he was accepted into the Rhode Island School of Design and graduated with honours. Harry continues his work – or shall I say his passion. He loves what he does. And in the world of work, we must have passion and love what you do. My questions – is Harry just as passionate and loving in all his significant relationships?

I have left out a lot of details from their stories – details that would bore you – bore them. I continue to challenge them about their passion. Do these three men inspire you? How do they inspire you. It takes perspiration and not just inspiration. As it is written by Jesse Jackson, “Both tears and sweat are salty, but they render a different result. Tears will get you sympathy; sweat will get you change.”

A final question to you. Are you a Tom, Dick or Harry? Are you inspired? Will you perspire to aspire to go after your dreams no matter what life may put in your path? The choice is your – what will you choose? This is three sides to a common desire – I want to be a architect.

True love isn’t the kind…

True love isn’t the kind that endures through long years of absence, but the kind that endures through long years of nearness.

Few people know what they mean when they say, “I love you.” …..Well, what does the word love mean? It means total interest. I think the reason very few people really fall in love with anyone is they’re not willing to pay the price. The price is you have to adjust yourself to them.
Katherine Hepburn

Think about this – how many people do you know who want everyone to adjust to them.  The change is slow and sometimes doesn’t seem like it will ever come.  We must persevere and continue to strive and adapt and adjust. We know relationships take a lot of hard work.  It’s a lot of hard work for all people and are all people willing to work hard to make the relationship work  Or do most people say – I can’t be bothered this is too hard.  Different temperaments, introverts and extroverts, quiet reflective people and those who need to talk and socialize constantly.  The thinkers versus the touchy feel good people.  Relationships take a lot of hard work and understanding on the part of both people. It’s accepting people with their faults and allowing them and accepting them for the differing opinions.  

My daughters the spies

Family day brings out the spy in all of us. Dark Glasses and sweat shirts on a warm sunny day in a hot house. “We’re doing this for mom” “Do I really have to be here” “I have a headache and just want to go home and sleep.” “I know, I know offer it up!” “I’d rather be working!” “Oh, well, I guess Mom is enjoying herself.”

Yard by Yard It’s Really Hard; Although Inch by Inch It’s a Cinch!

So you have decided to take the steps to change your life around. 

What life experience brought you to do this? 

Was it a close call? 

Or perhaps someone close to you has cut you out of their life?  Maybe it’s as simple as I failed a test because I didn’t prepare.  Whatever the reason, you’re here and  ready to take the first small step. 

What is the first small step?

It’s looking into the mirror and doing a visual self-assessment.  Do you like the person staring back?  If you met you face to face — would you like you on first sight?  It’s the first 10 seconds in which we make a judgment on a person.  It’s the first 30 seconds on the person speaking in which we judge.  What do you think you would think of yourself in the first 10 and 30 seconds?

To Change is to Grow

I hear people saying I’m changing, I’m changing and I think to myself — yes, you’re changing but are you growing.  What does it mean to change and to grow.  When we change how do we know we are growing.   It’s quite a simple process so let’s begin.  

Everyday we  change.  Our appearance changes.   Our attitude changes.  Our tastes change.  We acquire new ‘things’ and let go of old ‘things”.  What we want out of life changes.  Our friendships change.  Our weight changes and as we grow older our height changes (downward).  These are some of the changes we go through and there are so many more.  Although to grow when we change that’s a whole other lumber yard.  To grow is to be hit by a 2×4.  We’ve all been hit by a 2×4 from time to time and it hurts.  But sometimes we have to be hit with that 2×4 several times before we really see the stars and truly wake up and say — yes it’s time to move on — that’s growing. 

I was recently hit with a 2×4.  I’ve probably been hit with that 2×4 several times now but I didn’t feel the knots from the wood.   The 2×4 I was being hit with, “Are you hiding behind your material, books and handouts.  And are you presenting the workshop based on what you have read,  listened to, and observed?  Or from your heart.”   I really had to think about this.  I then had that 2×4 moment, I’ve been presenting the material and handouts by hiding behind my books and quotes.  I was presenting in other peoples styles and not my own.  I was not being me – the me I really wanted to be – I was being the me in the material, the books, the handouts and the people whom I admire.  When I realized this 2×4 moment, the 2×4 walnut moment, I knew at that moment I would have to begin to challenge myself.  Now I would begin to grow.  The 2×4 piece of walnut had broken and I could now move on and move on I did.  Wow, what a change in the workshop and what a change in the way it was received.  I was changing – NO – I was growing.

To change is to grow and to change much is to grow often.  Meaning we need to continually challenge ourselves to become better.  To step outside the box.  In order to step outside the box – we need to look inside the box.  To see what has to change.  To see, if we are changing and growing for ourselves or for someone else.  If we are growing for ourselves, we will want to learn more, to do more and to be surrounded by people who will encourage us and challenge us.  Infuriate us and at the same time stand back and watch us grow.   

Growing is hard.  It means following your dreams with passion and perseverance and purpose.  It means knowing that in spite of the obstacles encountered – you will continue to take on all the 2×4’s given to you with a knowing heart a growing heart.  Growing is to begin to let go of the things in life that weigh you down. 

Yes, we all change.  Every day we change.  Do we grow?

Relationships

Sometimes crossing a bridge is straightforward and easy